I realise it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, and I will explain why, because I feel that it’s important for people to know.

As you know, I have suffered with anxiety my whole life, but only being recently formally diagnosed (in May 2017). I have battled with panic attacks throughout the course of my life and 2017 has defiantly been the worst, most testing, year yet.

Over the Christmas period, I have been having at least 3 or 4 panic attacks every day in the space of about two weeks. If you’ve ever endured a panic attack or anxiety episode, you will know that it is absolutely exhausting and draining. I haven’t felt like eating, and as a result I have lost nearly a stone in weight. I only weigh just over 6 stone anyway on a normal day so to lose this much weight is a concern. I have also been sleeping for most of the Christmas period, which makes me worry that I am ruining everyone else’s fun and ruining it for my family, which sparks off another anxiety attack. My anxiety also makes me feel sick to my stomach with nausea, like I’m going to throw up at any moment. I am sick of feeling sick. I’m fed up of not feeling like my normal self and being able to enjoy my favourite time of the year, as, once again, I have ruined it for myself and my family.

Yesterday, I decided to nip this feeling in the bud and try and get help before it spirals out of control. I phoned my local GP and was asked what the matter was by the receptionist. I told her that my usual doctor and I had discussed my anxiety and that it was beginning to get worse again. The receptionist then said ‘oh, so it isn’t an emergency then?’ And made me a phone appointment for three weeks time with a doctor I had ever met before. I was on the brink of tears so I accepted the appointment and hung up before sobbing and thinking that nobody in the world cared.

Desperate, I searched for any help online. The only thing I could find was a self-referral form for group sessions for people with anxiety. ‘Group sessions for people with anxiety’. Surely that’s a huge oxymoron in itself?

So basically, I am being out-right honest here. I am really struggling right now, and when people ask me ‘how are you coping’, just know that I am not coping. I don’t know how to deal with this and it’s scary. And now learning that there is absolutely zero help out there makes me feel even more alone. I just hope my own mind can sort itself out, because it seems nothing else will.

Sorry for the downer.



Maintaining Wellbeing at University…



So taking care of your mental health may not be on the top of your list of priorities at university. However, having recently graduated, looking back, I wish I had known when I started uni that my own mental health should have come before anything else.

At the start of my final year at university, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, having frequent panic attacks which affected every aspect of my life. I found that I was missing lectures regularly due to the fact that I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Throughout university I always felt as if I wasn’t good enough and that I was the worst performing on my course, actually I always felt this way at school too. But skipping lectures made me panic even more about this in the long-term. I won’t try and tell current students how to be mindful and offer advice on how to be the least-stressed and happiest student that ever lived, because I was never that. However, I will tell you what worked for me and how I managed to get from duvet-cocooning on Monday’s to my graduation day.

  1. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Your academic ability can only stretch so far, just like your physical and your mental abilities. If you feel like your workload is getting too much and you’re on the verge, then stop. Take a moment to focus on what is important and what you need to do to make it right. If you don’t understand a topic, work through it slowly, get help or just leave it! It’s not the end of the world.
  2. If you feel like you need to take time off to unwind, do it. Preferably do this when you haven’t got lectures to attend, but studying and writing 24/7 is not the way to properly take care of your mental health. You need time to reflect and relax, and don’t feel guilty about it!
  3. It was important to me to have another aspect of my life that wasn’t uni. I worked full time as a secondary school teaching assistant whilst at university. At times it definitely want easy but it gave me an escape and another reason to get up in the morning. When I was at work (I love my job so that helps) I was able to forget about the mountains of coursework I had to complete at home and focus on a whole other side to myself.
  4. Sleep! Sleep is one of the most important thing you can get when at university. Set up a sleep schedule, for example, going to bed at 11pm and waking up at 7am. NOT grabbing two hours at 3am!
  5. Organisation is SO important. I discovered in my first year that a wall planner is a life saver! Write down all of your presentation dates, when things are due and lectures. Having a diary or planner (and things written in it) to refer to means that you’ll never miss any imporatant dates and nothing will come as a shock. Also, on the topic of organisation, packing your bag he might before is, granted, a bit secondary school, but you’ll be glad of the extra ten minutes in bed in the morning. And you won’t be rushing out the house, shoving who-knows what in your rucksack.

Really, to me, the most important thing to make sure you’re doing whilst at uni is to take care of your mental health. If you can do that properly, then everything else can fall into place. Taking time out and being aware of how you’re feeling is super important. I think awareness is key to keeping happy and healthy. Actually stopping, reflecting and asking yourself ‘how do I feel today? What is my frame of mind?’ And then being aware of days when you’re feeling particularly delicate or on-edge and addressing it.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of with regards to feeling low or stressed out or just plain frazzled. The stigma that comes with mental health is disappearing and speaking out and making, not only yourself, but people who care about you aware of your mind-set will only help to put you on the right path. Hopefully these simple little tips will help to maintain or improve wellbeing during arguably the hardest, but best, years of your life.



Graduation And How I Got There!


When I was in school, I was always the ‘middle of the road’ student. I wasn’t particularly clever or not, but looking back, I doubted myself so much. Actually, I was in top sets for most of my classes, I wasn’t getting A*’s but I was getting B’s. My problem was, my friends were all so clever and they were getting the top grades. I found myself clinging onto them and relying on them to tell me when our next test was, the answers to the homework and how to plan an essay. This only got me so far and by sixth form they’d become pretty fed up of me. My grades were falling from B’s to D’s in A Level and I gave up completely on the idea of university while my friends were still maintaining their straight A’s. My tutor and some of my friends were telling me to apply for uni, but I was just so convinced I wasn’t good enough. Okay, I thought, I might be able to get in, but I would no way be able to pass any of the work. 

Looking back, I wish I could tell myself how much better I was than I thought. I really underestimated myself and there is no way I ever imagined I would be standing up on stage one day being handed a university diploma with an upper second class honours degree in Creative Writing with English Literature.

Although I continued with my old habits in the first year; relying on friends to get me through. It wasn’t until I passed first year with a similar grade to my friends that I realised I could do it myself. Okay, so maybe I only just scraped a 2:1, but so what? who cares? The fact is I did it and 15 year old GCSE-fretting me cannot believe it.

The graduation ceremony was amazing. My parents cried, my grandparents came too, and my sister, and I was the first Hull to ever go to university and get a degree. I am so proud of what I’ve achieved in my time at university, as well as my friend too. I have made the best, life-long friends at uni who I know will always be there for me. If you can go through that together, you can definitely get through anything together, is what I say!

University was no easy feat for me. I had to work full time as a Teaching Assistant in order to fund my study, as well as attend lectures and undertake the course full time. Balancing a potential career and high level education took its toll and in early 2017 I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and panic attacks. My anxiety has really changed who I am as a person. Whilst I used to be travelling all over the country to see bands and camp out to meet them and go on day trips to London, I don’t do any of that anymore. Panic attacks have stopped me from doing the things I absolutely love and once considered a hobby. Whereas now I feel that all I do is go to work, sleep and repeat, I hope that one day I will be able to overcome this anxiety in the same way I overcame my self-doubt about university.

So really, what I’m saying is, if you ever feel like you can’t do something, just give it a try. And then, when you manage to do it you’ll look back on yourself and regret doubting yourself so much…

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.



p.s. I’ll leave you with some pics from my grad!

Blogtember Day #19- Anxiety Update. 



So, you may or may not already know this about me but, I suffer from anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Being diagnosed with anxiety is quite a recent thing for me, as I only really realised it and started to have more severe attacks in May of this year. So this blog is basically me coming to terms with the changes and noticing the triggers that spark off my anxiety and irrational and low feelings/thoughts. 

I work in a secondary school as a Teaching Assistant and, although I love it most of the time, I’m having a really tough time lately. After having the summer holidays off, in which I had zero panick attacks and barely any anxiety, I have returned to work feeling the most anxiety I’ve ever felt. 

So on Saturday evening, I had the biggest and worst panic attack ever. I was crying and shaking and, in all honesty, haven’t been the same since. I’ve been really quiet and just unable to find joy in anything I do. I also managed to have a bit of a melt down at work on Monday, luckily not in front of anyone. My mum knows and is really helpful, but she’s now starting to really worry about me. Mum phoned the doctors yesterday to get me an appointment. She thinks I need something other than propranolol, as now I’m beginning to feel very down and depressed. (Does propranolol work for anyone else? It does nothing for me…)

I know ‘depressed’ is a throw-away term that probably most of us use. But depression is a serious mental condition and is, unfortunately, linked to anxiety. I will see what the doctor says but I really hope I’m not heading down that road. 

Anyway, Mr Anxiety is back and here to stay, it would seem. Which sucks because it’s my birthday on Saturday and he is not invited to the party 😦 😦 😦 

On the bright side, this low patch has made me realise what wonderful people I have around me, who genuinely care about how I’m feeling and love me. 

Really hope your week is going a lot better than mine!

Feel free to discuss anything you feel you need to in the comments….



40 Ways to Become Less Stressed


Is it just me, or is it that time of year? Summer’s over, and all there is to do is WORK, right? We can all start to feel a lil bit stressed, if not more than we already are. Here are some great tips I’ve picked up to make my life that tiny bit less stressful. They really worked for me, so why not try a few?


  1. Get up a little bit earlier in the morning.
  2. Prepare your work bag, your outfit, your schools books (everything) the night before.
  3. Write things down! Appointments, meetings, even social events.
  4. Say ‘no’ if you don’t want to do something.
  5. Set goals. Daily goals, weekly goals, and an ultimate goal.
  6. Have priorities.
  7. Spend more time on yourslef. ‘You time’ is v important- work can make you forget the real you.
  8. Unclutter, clean and tidy up.
  9. Smile more.
  10. Say hello to more people.
  11. Breath slower.
  12. Stop. Breathe.
  13. Read more.
  14. Try new things.
  15. Notice the little things.
  16. Appreciate your friends.
  17. Laugh at things (not inappropriate things…)
  18. If you look nice, you feel nice.
  19. Don’t try to be perfect.
  20. LOOK UP.
  21. If plan A doesn’t work, try another method.
  22. Pay attention to how you feel.
  23. Pay attention to your mental state.
  24. Listen.
  25. Exercise.
  26. Get to work earlier.
  27. Arrange a meet-up with a friend you haven’t seen in ages.
  28. Keep a journal or diary.
  29. You have opinions and let them be heard without fear or shame.
  30. Keep family and support close.
  31. You can’t change others- you can only change your attitude towards them.
  32. You can’t change situations either, just your view on it.
  33. Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night.
  34. Talk to people.
  35. Tell others what a good job they’re doing.
  36. Be proud of what you have achieved every day.
  37. Never take anything for granted.
  38. Appreciate.
  39. Love your pets (or get one).
  40. Take each day as it comes.

If this post helps just one person, then I’m happy. 

Remember, your life is about YOU.



Concerts and Anxiety…


Between the ages of 15 and 22, going to concerts was pretty much my hobby. I have been to around 60+ concerts in my life and when I look back on some of them, honestly, they were some of the best times of my life. 

Often, I would go and see a band or artist I completely and utterly adored (these included The Killers, Arctic Monkeys, Jake Bugg, The Script, Kaiser Chiefs etc etc…). For these kind of concerts I would queue outside the venue for hours on end just to get to the barrier. These were also some great times- I met some of my best, life long, friends in a queue! And then the frantic squish and elbowing to get to the front was ruthless, but somewhat enjoyable. (Legit had my ankle fractured by a girl stamping on my foot in Docs to get to the front at Jake Bugg). 

The barrier experience was always magical. To be honest with you, I’d forgotten this feeling until very recently, and now I’m yearning for it again. 

Here’s the issue…

My anxiety has become a real problem to me in the last year, and some of my worst anxiety/panic attacks have been at concerts. Because of this, I’ve completely lost my confidence to even go to concerts, let alone queue for hours with strangers and squash myself amongst them all, with no quick exit at the front of the barrier. I just don’t trust myself to not have a panic attack. 

Having recently gone to a concert, (The Script- who I used to LOVE) I’ve rediscovered the absolutely amazing feeling I used to feel when at a concert. However, enjoying it from the back, or a seat, just isn’t the same. 

I really hope that one day I’ll be able to get my confidence back and be as fiesty and care-free at concerts as my 16 year old self once was! For now though, I will be enjoying The Killers’ November tour from a seat. Which sucks tbh…. DAMN YOU ANXIETY. 

P.s. Can we please bring an end to that thing guys do when they try to pass you in a gig crowd and put their hands on your waist?! Like, dnt touch me pls. 


Lots a’ love,