I realise it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, and I will explain why, because I feel that it’s important for people to know.

As you know, I have suffered with anxiety my whole life, but only being recently formally diagnosed (in May 2017). I have battled with panic attacks throughout the course of my life and 2017 has defiantly been the worst, most testing, year yet.

Over the Christmas period, I have been having at least 3 or 4 panic attacks every day in the space of about two weeks. If you’ve ever endured a panic attack or anxiety episode, you will know that it is absolutely exhausting and draining. I haven’t felt like eating, and as a result I have lost nearly a stone in weight. I only weigh just over 6 stone anyway on a normal day so to lose this much weight is a concern. I have also been sleeping for most of the Christmas period, which makes me worry that I am ruining everyone else’s fun and ruining it for my family, which sparks off another anxiety attack. My anxiety also makes me feel sick to my stomach with nausea, like I’m going to throw up at any moment. I am sick of feeling sick. I’m fed up of not feeling like my normal self and being able to enjoy my favourite time of the year, as, once again, I have ruined it for myself and my family.

Yesterday, I decided to nip this feeling in the bud and try and get help before it spirals out of control. I phoned my local GP and was asked what the matter was by the receptionist. I told her that my usual doctor and I had discussed my anxiety and that it was beginning to get worse again. The receptionist then said ‘oh, so it isn’t an emergency then?’ And made me a phone appointment for three weeks time with a doctor I had ever met before. I was on the brink of tears so I accepted the appointment and hung up before sobbing and thinking that nobody in the world cared.

Desperate, I searched for any help online. The only thing I could find was a self-referral form for group sessions for people with anxiety. ‘Group sessions for people with anxiety’. Surely that’s a huge oxymoron in itself?

So basically, I am being out-right honest here. I am really struggling right now, and when people ask me ‘how are you coping’, just know that I am not coping. I don’t know how to deal with this and it’s scary. And now learning that there is absolutely zero help out there makes me feel even more alone. I just hope my own mind can sort itself out, because it seems nothing else will.

Sorry for the downer.



Blogtember Day #30- Work Primark Haul!!



For the last day of September, I went shopping to get some more clothes for work (I barely have any)! Sorry if it’s not very exciting but some bits are lovely and autumn-y so stay tuned! 

Okay, so this first item is not for work (great start, Em) but I just had to get it. It’s a really cosy and soft jumper with Beauty and the Beast embroidered characters. £15, so not the cheapest thing Primark has ever sold, but cute and kinda worth it. 

Next is a very un-exciting black pencil skirt. It’s kind of a t-shirt material so it’s stretchy, which makes it a lot easier to move about in, hopefully! This one was £5 and goes with everything, right?

Staying with the bottom half, I picked up a pair of navy blue cropped smart/work trousers. They’re a lovely fit and look smart for work, so you can’t really go wrong. And thy have pockets- hurrah!!

I was, at first, disgusted with the very notion of roll-neck jumpers in Primark. I actually picked this one up by accident and threw it back down in disgrace. However, I thought about it for a bit and thought how lovely it would look with a scarf and a pair of loose fitting trousers, like the ones above, for work. So I went for it. I’ve yet to try it out in the work environment and get a teenager’s verdict, but I like it. 

I absolutely love this shirt, but again, I don’t know how it’ll work in practice just yet. It’s such a lovely baby pink shade with a breast pocket and pearls sewn onto the collar. Simple and so cute. And only £5!

Can you ever have too many scarfs for work in the winter? I literally live in them. This one is soooo cute. It’s a navy blue with gold stars all over it. I am in love with it. And it looks so expensive! £4. 

Okay, so these next two aren’t from Primark, but I thought I’d share them with you anyway. They’re the same style (I actually already have a beige one), one is yellow and one is bright orange. 

They’re from H&M and only £8.99, but they’re such a lovely fit. I wore one to work yesterday and got so many compliments! And the colours are so so so lovely for autumn! I’m kind of happy Halloween is on a work day, so I can wear the orange one then! 🙂 
Hope you enjoyed this post, and all of my posts throughout Blogtember! I’m sad to be seeing Blogtember coming to an end, but it’s just got me more excited about Blogmas!!! Obviously I’ll be posting before then, so stay tuned and in touch! Thank you for all your support, reads, likes and comments throughout the month- love you lots!



Blogtember Day #28- My Fave Jumper and Jacket!



I was originally going to do a post about my favourite jumper. But I put this jacket over it and I am going to have to include this beautiful jacket too. Let’s start with this jumper. 

I absolutely love this really thin cardigan-feeling jumper as it’s perfect for the spring and autumn in-between weather, but can also be layered with, for example, a long sleeved top underneath, for those colder days. It’s a lemon yellow sweater-jumper thang with ‘Sisterhood’ written on the front. I fist saw this jumper in a magazine and the feature was of loads of celebrities wearing the same one. I loved it even more when I saw where it was from and the price of it! Only £19.99 and from New Look! I love to wear it with jeans and just simple converse, and I nearly always roll the sleeves up. I just think it makes it look better and less formal. Love. 

Okay, the jacket is to die for too. I’ve seen really similar ones to this in Zara and H&M at £80 a go. This one was from Primark and was only £25! It’s black suede with faux fur lining and cuffs, with silver zips and a belt. I absolutely love it. So cosy and warm and also stylish as it’s versatile and perfect for the winter. I feel like I’m going to be absolutely living in it through this winter (and I’m excited about it). If you get the chance, pick one up, and for this price it’s literally a no-brainer. 

Hope you like!



Blogtember Day #27- The Dentist!!



Sorry for this short blog post today. I have been to the dentist and am currently dying (slight exaggeration). Okay, so on Boxing Day, yes, that long ago, I managed to fracture my tooth on a potato wedge. And since then I’ve visited the dentist five times!! They haven’t managed to fix it and now I’m going through the process of having a crown fitted! Fingers crossed this’ll work and I’ll be able to eat nice crunchy things again on both sides of my mouth…. the dream!

Anyway, my mouth and face is currently numb and swollen and I look like a dribbling mess. The anaesthetic I’ve been given is so strong I just want to sleep…. so that’s what I’m going to do. 

Good night! 



P.s. Here’s a pic of me from yesterday when my face was of normal proportions. 

Blogtember Day #26- 10 Things That Make Me Happy!



I’m a big believer in reminding yourself of the good things in your life. So I’m going to share the ten things that make me super happy. I’d love to hear your’s too!
1) Early nights and cosy TV shows. 

I’m a very tired person. Generally. I am usually in bed by 9pm and falling asleep with the TV on after ten minutes. I love to put a familiar show on to fall asleep to. These currently include Outnumbered, Miranda, Gavin & Stacey and Horrible Histories! Ha!
2) My cat.

I love my little baby. She’s called Roxy and she’s 12 years old. We’ve had her since I was 12 so she’s a huge part of my life. I couldn’t be without her.
3) My job.

As much as I loooove to moan about work, I actually love my job. Working with children and young people means that life is never dull and every day is different. That’s for sure.
4) My wonderful friends. 

I take my friends for granted a lot and I’m awful at that. But lately I’ve been having some tough times and I’ve realised how much I bloody love my friends. Especially my bestie Katie and the wonderful Bethany (http://dreamsoflustre.wordpress.com/).
5) Make up.

It sounds super shallow, right? Thing is, I’m not actually a huuuuge make up wearer, but I enjoy experimenting and watching tutorials of how to get different looks. It’s just a bit of fun!
6) House plants. 

If your house plants don’t have names, do you even own house plants?
7) Books!!

I am one of those people who read their favourite book so many times that it’s falling apart. My taste in books so so diverse, you wouldn’t even believe me. My two faves are To Kill A Mockingbird and The Wind in the Willows. I also love teen fiction (Looking For Alaska is fave), and I’m also a member of the folio society for Samuel Pepyes’ diaries. See, told you you wouldn’t believe me. Also love a good non-fiction Brian Cox number, a screen play, or even a Shakespeare play. I mean, give me your car instruction manual and I’ll read it.
8) Christmas!!

So I always say that after my birthday, Christmas begins! And, as you know, my birthday was three days ago so Christmas is now in full swing.
9) Music. 

Music makes everything better, right? Again, diverse taste. Let’s just say from Joy Division to One Direction and leave it at that, shall we?
10) Bullet Journalling. 

As you may have seen from my previous bu-jo post, I’m a journaller and thrive in all things stationary and washi tape.

Hope you liked reading about the things that make me happy. I’d love to hear your’s- comment below 🙂



Blogtember Day #17- What Am I Listening To?



It seems that my favourite artists haven’t released music in forever, but all of a sudden they’ve all decided to release stuff in the same month. Thanks guys. 

1. If you need to know one thing about me, it’s that I am a massive fan of The Killers. Since the age of 14 they have consumed my life. You know when you love someone to the point of hate? That’s my feels towards The Killers. I’ve seen them live 4 times, and this November will be my fifth. I’m super excited because since I became a fan in 2009, they’ve actually only released one album as a band (solos in the meantime). Their fifth album Wonderful Wonderful will be realised on 22nd September (a day before my birthday) so singles keep cropping up on Spotify and it’s an exciting time for Killers fans. The song that caught my attention is called Run for Cover. It’s great. Give if a listen if you find the chance. 

2. I think I have a problem. A Harry Styles related problem… (don’t we all have one of those?) I literally cannot stop listening to his debut solo album. It’s pure love. There isn’t a song on it that I skip and his voice… *heart eyes emoji*. Don’t get me wrong, I miss 1D like crazy, but if this is the alternative, it’s not a bad one. 

3. On the topic of 1D: Niall. Now, I liked This Town and I liked Slow Hands a bit more. But the one I’ve had on repeat is Too Much To Ask. In fact, I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve played it three times already whilst writing this. It’s such a good song and I just love it. Is there anything more pure than Niall Horan? I think not. 

4. Jake Bugg, who? Like, didn’t he just fall off the edge of the Earth after Lightning Bolt? Well, it would seem not. He’s back with a new album (Hearts That Strain) and oh my god, I think it’s his best yet. I don’t really know what happened with the marketing of this album, but I’m a big fan of his and I was barely aware it was coming out. I can imagine it’s just got lost in the stream of albums that are constantly coming out, which is a shame because it’s really really amazing. I’ve missed you, Bugg. 

5. Taylor Swift’s Look What You Made Me Do. Okay, I looooove Taylor, but I can’t seem to get my head around this one. I’ve been listening to it non-stop to try and get into it, but I’m not so sure. I just wish old Taylor could come to the phone 😦 Lemme know what you think of it. 

I’d love to hear what you’re listening to lately! 



Blogtember Day #15- My Favourite Bloggers and Vloggers



So it’s day 15 of Blogtember, and I thought I’d share with you my blogging and vlogging inspo’s and my fave people to watch and engage with online. If you haven’t heard of these people, go and check them out. GO NOW!!


1. Zoe Sugg. (Zoella).

I mean, everybody’s heard of Zoella, right? She is possibly one of the most famous YouTubers out there, but her blog is frikkin amazing too. I think I am one of the few Zoe fans who got into her blog before I started watching her YT videos. I think she is so inspirational, especially to other women who are suffering from anxiety (me), but she’s also just super-fun to watch. I love to see what she’s wearing, her make-up looks, and her interior decorating is the shizz. But generally, I love to see what she’s just getting up to on a daily basis. Everything she does seems so fun and I just want to be her friend tbh.



YouTube: Zoella     Blog: http://www.zoella.co.uk     Twitter: @Zoella      Photo from: http://www.zoella.zo.uk



2. Poppy Deyes.

On the Sugg/Deyes Family theme, I am absolutely obsessed with Poppy Deyes’ blog. She’s my blog inspo fo’ sho’ (sorry). I love her minimalist designs and posts, and her love of food is shared (by me). Her site seems so cool, even though her posts are very minimalist, I love to see her outfits, what she’s eating, where she’s travelling and keeping up to date with her life in general. Also, her insta stories are always worth a tap.



Blog: http://www.poppydeyes.com – Instagram: poppydeyes – Photo from: http://www.poppydeyes.com



3. Mark Ferris.

I found Mark’s YouTube channel through (you guessed it) Zoe… Her vlogs with Mark were hilarious and their friendship and laughter is so infectious. I checked out his channel and immediately hit subscribe. I love his ‘sit down and talk’ videos which are, more often than not, discussing serious topics like sexuality, mental health and bullying, but somehow, he makes it lighthearted and enjoyable to watch. He’s just such a lovely person, and this comes across in his videos- and i don’t even know him! Just love ‘im.



YouTube: Mark Ferris – Instagram: markyyferris – Photo from: instagram/markyyferris



4. Emma Millard. (It’s Em Channel)

I first discovered Emma when I was searching for videos on YouTube of a hotel I was going to stay at in Kos. I wanted to see what the hotel was like, and I came across a vlog of someone’s entire holiday at that hotel. It was Emma’s vlog, and I absolutely loved it. Honestly, it’s still my fave vlog of her’s and I must’ve watched it about twenty times, because now it reminds me of my holiday! Emma blogs/vlogs about beauty, fashion and general life and I absolutely love everything she posts. She’s beautiful and lovely and it really comes across in her vlogs and blog posts. They just make me feel so cosy when I’ve had a bit of a crappy day.



YouTube: Its Em Channel – Blog: http://www.itsemchannel.blogspot.co.uk – Instagram: itsemchannel – Photo from: instagram/itsemchannel



5. Sofia Gall. (So Fia)

Sophia first caught my attention when I was searching for ‘around the world travel’ vlogs. She is an amazing YouTuber and ‘cancer fighting genius’, in her own words. Sophia is truly inspirational and gorgeous. Her vlogs are so easy-going and relaxed and I mostly love seeing her do her make-up, as she does it so well and always end up looking stunning. Her around-the-world trip was so enjoyable to watch and she totally deserves everything good that comes her way. Not only is she incredible, she’s also a super-talented YouTuber who has really great beauty and lifestyle content, whilst also appreciating every single viewer and subscriber. She’s just a joy and I love her lots.



YouTube: So Fia – Instagram: sophia.gall – Photo from: Instagram/sophia.gall


Hope you enjoyed reading about my fave bloggers and vloggers… These are the people that make me happy when I’m sad and I just love them lots. I would love to hear about your favourites and, if you want to, go and check out mine! 🙂