Concerts and Anxiety…

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Between the ages of 15 and 22, going to concerts was pretty much my hobby. I have been to around 60+ concerts in my life and when I look back on some of them, honestly, they were some of the best times of my life. 

Often, I would go and see a band or artist I completely and utterly adored (these included The Killers, Arctic Monkeys, Jake Bugg, The Script, Kaiser Chiefs etc etc…). For these kind of concerts I would queue outside the venue for hours on end just to get to the barrier. These were also some great times- I met some of my best, life long, friends in a queue! And then the frantic squish and elbowing to get to the front was ruthless, but somewhat enjoyable. (Legit had my ankle fractured by a girl stamping on my foot in Docs to get to the front at Jake Bugg). 

The barrier experience was always magical. To be honest with you, I’d forgotten this feeling until very recently, and now I’m yearning for it again. 


Here’s the issue…

My anxiety has become a real problem to me in the last year, and some of my worst anxiety/panic attacks have been at concerts. Because of this, I’ve completely lost my confidence to even go to concerts, let alone queue for hours with strangers and squash myself amongst them all, with no quick exit at the front of the barrier. I just don’t trust myself to not have a panic attack. 

Having recently gone to a concert, (The Script- who I used to LOVE) I’ve rediscovered the absolutely amazing feeling I used to feel when at a concert. However, enjoying it from the back, or a seat, just isn’t the same. 

I really hope that one day I’ll be able to get my confidence back and be as fiesty and care-free at concerts as my 16 year old self once was! For now though, I will be enjoying The Killers’ November tour from a seat. Which sucks tbh…. DAMN YOU ANXIETY. 

P.s. Can we please bring an end to that thing guys do when they try to pass you in a gig crowd and put their hands on your waist?! Like, dnt touch me pls. 

STAY COOL.

Lots a’ love,

ElectricEmily

Xoxox

Holiday-woo! (And anxiety-boo!)

lifestyle

Bonjour!

I’m sorry it’s been sooooo long since my last blog post, but this month has been super busy (work- I know!) 

Anyway, as you probably know from my holiday clothes haul post, I went on a lil vacation. It was about a month ago now, but hey, it’s as good a time as any to blog about it! 


So I went I Kos, which is a Greek island and I found that I’ve had to add that on every time I tell someone, because no one has any idea where Kos is apparently. So it’s Greek but our hotel actually looked over a tiny piece of ocean onto Bodrum, in Turkey. Weird, huh? Our hotel was a TUI Sensimar, (if you want to know it was the Oceanis Spa and Beach resort) which is adults only, and let me tell you, it was amazing. We had screaming kids on our flights there and back and it was hell. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids- I work with them! But THANK GOD they weren’t around in the hotel. Because I work in a school, I can only get school holidays off which means I can NEVER avoid kids, so this really was a luxury. We had one of the junior suite rooms which comes with a private pool- an absolute MUST! It was so nice just to escape everyone and have a bit of privacy to relax by our own pool. Some days we even just stayed by the pool and only left the room for food… living the life. 


However, before the holiday, came the travel and I am NOT good at travelling. I’m fine with flying but it’s just the airport and the whole travelling thing that gets me very anxious. So the night before before the flight (which was at 6am!) we stayed in a hotel at the airport. We set our alarms for 3am and off to bed we went, very early. However, I’d been feeling very nerv-y all evening and barely touched my chicken linguini. The prospect of an early start began to get the better of me and I found myself having a full-blown panic attack that I just couldn’t shake. I could not stop myself from crying for a good (not good) hour and even considered the prospect of going home. It sounds very dramatic, but when I’m in that situation and frame of mind, all I want more than anything is my mum and my bed. I’m a massive home-bird and love my home comforts, and I get very uncomfortable when I have to stay away from home. With the prostect of the next 8 nights being away from home, I just couldn’t picture being home soon and that was a bit too much for me… I didn’t sleep all night (knowing I had to be up at 3am) and thought about calling my mum to come and get me, and giving up on the entire holiday. 

But I didn’t! If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety you’ll know that functioning on 0 hours sleep is a thing we can do! I bucked myself up (easier said than done), got dressed and went to the airport, anxious as HELL and just wanting my mum (I know- sad!!) 


Anyway, that was pretty much the end of my holiday anxiety! I was a bit iffy on the plane because of the screaming kids, but as soon as I got there I was fine! With my anxiety in this particular case, it was the getting there that was tricky, but I think once I got there I came to realise that this was home for the week and there was no option going back like there was at the airport. 


All in all the holiday was really what I needed. It was so relaxing and stress-busting. A lot of poopy stuff was going on at work whilst I was away, but this was a much needed break from it. And I’ve never eaten so healthily in my life! Does anyone else go on holiday and eat all of the fresh fruit and yogurts and massive healthy meals?! Honestly haven’t felt that healthy in such a long time. People even commenting on how healthy I looked! As much as I love being at home and own lil world, it was a great week away in the sun. 


Disclaimer: I didn’t wear half of what I bought in the haul! I needed another week!!

Thanks for reading, 

Au revouir! (I don’t know it in Greek- soz)

ElectricEmily xoxox